Cruelty in the dark room
by Ferian
Summary: Roy loves to be cruel, especially to those he loves.Then he realises that Edward is not the only one who gets hurt. Roy Edward
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Full metal alchemist. Sob sob

Chapter 1

Night was dark. If somebody was standing behind his window, he wouldn't have seen it. He didn't care, he felt like he was a god, almost. He could rule everything, especially one thing and it was coming for him. The night was pitch black – and he liked it. He liked how it sent shivers down his spine and how he felt cruelty coming from it. Nights was his thing, he lived through the days only to face new night. Maybe he was insane, maybe not. It didn't matter anymore. He could hide his face in darkness. Maybe that was the reason, but he would never admit it - that he would have a weakness in him. And he loved how the only light in his room made his eyes glimmer like two wicked diamonds.

He was waiting. He waited for his beloved to come. Then he could be cruel and make him cry out his name. He would love to hear that soft sobbing, that little whisper that begged him to stop. But he would not stop. He would travel his hands on his beloved face and rub those tears away. Then he would want to make them reappear.Was he really insane? Who would not want to do the same as he did? Sometimes, when nobody was around,he questioned himself. Still, his opinion was the same.

Soft and timid knock was heard from the black wooden door. He lifted his head towards the door and smirked. He let his voice travel through the room.

" Come in."

" Colonel, you had something to say."

" Yeah, I do. Don't be afraid."

" I am not afraid!"

" Then – come here."

He watched as his beloved walked over the floor onto his lap, moving nervously. His blond hair fell to his beautiful, now pale face. He touched the blondes cheek and his lips, those smooth and red lips. He saw how his beloved one was uncomfortable. He snorted and bend down near to his beloved's ear.

" Why won't you relax? I am being nice here," he whispered and felt how the younger boy moved a little.

" I don't know what you are thinking… you are sometimes so scary," the other male responded quietly. He had bent down his head and his blond hair was covering his face. He knew and felt how this older man looked at him with burning eyes. He felt himself insecure and naked. He touched his clothes to make certain them still being there. Older man chuckled.

" Am I scary? Why am I so scary, hm? Tell me," he said a tiny smile on his face. It wasn't a nice smile, it was vicious and this younger man saw it too. He knew what Roy was thinking, he could guess it. It wasn't hard, he almost heard what the older man thought He should pick up his words carefully. Maybe then Roy would be nicer. He gulped and moved nervously.

" You always sit here in the dark and when you talk, your voice is like ice and yet it burns me. And your touch, it's sometimes so gentle, but…" the younger male stopped. He couldn't continue anymore. He wanted to go away, the colonel was planning something and he didn't want to be the missing part of it.

" But I am rough and I make you cry," the older one said. The blond on his lap didn't answer, he couldn't. He should leave now, but his legs didn't work anymore. It was always the same. He knew when he should leave, but everything he could do was obey. He was the bird in the hunters trap.

There was a deep silence between them. The younger man barely dared to breath when the older man tightened his grip on his waist. For a second, he hoped nothing would happen tonight. Then he was thrown to the floor and the man was on top of him.

" Roy, stop it…" he cried out when Roy's knee pushed his legs apart. Roy's hot body was pressed against him and his erect member stroked his inner thighs.

" Edward… you are whining," Roy said and removed his beloved's pants. Edward didn't protest, but tears were sparkling in the minor light. He pushed two fingers inside the boy, who tensed up and shouted.

" You are already crying. Do you like it so much?"

" I don't… like it. You like it."

" You like to please me that much?"

" No… you force me to," Edward said and felt how Roy removed his fingers from him. When nothing happened and he was just laying on the floor, he thought that Roy would have finished what he was doing. He didn't see Roy's face, but his figure was stiff and he didn't move.

" Roy?" he asked little worried and heard how a zipper was undone or pulled up again. Then Roy lifted the smaller boy's hips and violently thrust himself inside the boy. Edward's scream filled his ears, but he kept thrusting. ' How hot this body is,' he thought and beads of perspiration broke out on his forehead. Edward had stopped his screaming, but hopeless sobbing echoed in the room with Roy's breathless snorting. He spilled his seed inside the boy and collapsed on top of him, breathing heavily.

" Edward, I am not doing this for myself," he said and heard how Edward hissed. Edward twisted and turned under him. This was sick, sick and he wanted to leave, to go to his own room and sleep.

" Let me go, Roy. You got what you wanted," Edward whispered and pushed Roy away from him. He pulled his pants up and watched the dark room. Only one candle was bringing light to Roy's twisted mind. Someday Edward hoped to see two candles on the Colonel's desk. It would easy his own pain in his chest. He walked to the door and once more turned to watch Roy's body that was still laying on the floor.

" I don't know what you are thinking about," Edward said and disappeared to the corridor. Roy listened those very beloved footsteps to go further away from him and sat up. He watched the candle on his desk.

" You want so badly to hear what I am thinking, Edward? I love you."

After words

Roy loves Ed so much that he wants to hurt him. Insane, ne?

And please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Full metal alchemist

…

Chapter 2

Edward was in his room, sitting on the floor, thinking. His room was bright and pure, so different from Roy's. Ed couldn't stand the darkness and was amazed how obsessed Roy was because of it. Ed's room had a picture on its wall. It was taken when Al had returned to his formal body. They had been celebrating, even though Ed's leg and arm still was the same - the automails. Al had been laughing the whole day, running madly around the place. Al had touched and hugged him many times, to make certain that he felt something, everything. Al was so different from Roy. Roy could never be gentle. Ed didn't understand what Roy was thinking when he raped him. Sometimes it felt like Roy cared about him and sometimes – sometimes his despair was insuperable. He wanted to understand, he wanted to find the light from the Colonel's soul. If there was any…

…

Roy cleaned himself and walked to his desk. It was made from a black mahogany and the candle on it reflected its light. He had Ed in his mind. Ed was always in his mind. The little boy, who didn't want to be called short, had a special place in his thoughts. Roy saw how he would torture the boy, but then he thought how he loved him. He wished to see the pain in those golden eyes. Why is that? Why he couldn't live normally and ask him out, but he had to order him to come to his room and spread his legs. Not to spread his leg, Roy did it for him, forced Edward to do so.

Every now and then Roy hated himself for being so malicious. Ed could not ever love him, because he was an idiot. A big idiot and he admitted it too. But still, he could not bring himself to the change. Maybe he loved to be sadistic. But as Ed knew better, he always looked at him like he knew everything. Ed didn't fight against him anymore, but Roy could see accusation in his eyes. Like Ed would say: ' Roy, are you hurt somewhere, 'coz you have to keep on hurting me?' Ed was clever, but there were no wounds in his body. He tried to find them, he looked all over his body, but none existed. So, Ed didn't know everything, Ed could fail too.

Roy sat down to his chair, behind the mahogany desk. His room was coal-black, as he liked it. He knew Ed hated it for being so full of black. Roy looked over the desk to the candle. It almost had burned to the very end. He bent down to his drawers and pulled out one candle. It was white as the other too. He placed it to the candlestick and lighted it on. 

Roy blinked his eyes. His room was clear and his black curtains seemed to be deep blue, not black at all. Only two candles and his room were this bright. Ache in his chest eased and he took three candles and put them on the table. He hadn't realized how everything was different in a good light. He watched how light in his room increased. How would Ed look in this light? Suddenly he wanted to know. It hurted his brains: How would Ed look in this light? He had to know.

He rushed from his chair to the door. He wanted to see Ed. He wanted to touch those lips, those smooth lips – and he wanted to SEE him. He walked through the corridors and opened many doors. Distance between him and Ed was horrifying. How much longer he had to wait? He dashed against few workers, but it didn't matter. Only one door mattered.

" Ed," he sighed and touched the door in front of him. He gripped the handle and pressed it down. He saw a warm light coming out from Ed's room. He stepped inside and saw Ed sitting on the floor. Ed looked over his shoulder and found Roy standing on his floor.

" Roy…"

" Ed… Will you go out with me?"

…

1. OMG. This was so low...


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Full metal alchemist

…

Chapter 3

Edward looked Roy like he had seen a ghost. His eyes were wide open and everything from horror to happy surprise was seen in his golden depths. It was Roy standing in his room, sweating and panting, like he had been running madly around the large building. But it was against Roy's principles to ask anything from him. If Roy wanted something, Roy took it. He never asked for it.

" Roy, are you playing something?" He asked suspiciously. He had lowered his head and narrowed his eyes. Roy moved impatiently, like he was agonized. Everything in Roy was new to Ed. Roy wasn't being himself. He was not cruel, vicious and his usual malicious smirk was gone. What had happened? Maybe Roy had imagined he was a carrot and he had to apologize.

" Edo… I am not pulling any strings now," Roy answered nervously. He clasped his hands in front of his chest, but kept his eyes in Edward. Why would Ed believe him? He never showed any affection for him. He was always so ruthless. And even now he wanted to pin down that body and make Ed cry.

" I hope you are not," Edward answered shortly. This was so unexpected. What should he say? Should he run to Roy's arms and be happy for the rest of his life? Edward didn't believe in happy ends.

" Will you go out with me?" Roy asked again, his eyes full of hope and suffering. Edward sighed and stood up, closing his eyes like seeing Roy would hurt him. Minutes passed, but Ed kept silent. He swayed a little, squeezing his hands open and close. Finally he opened his eyes, looking directly into Roy's black ones.

" Okey. I will go out with you," he said huskily. He wanted to know who Roy really was. He was amazed by Roy's sudden behaviour. It was nothing like he had ever seen.

Roy was sure to hear different answer to his request. Relief almost made him laughing out loud. He would be on the date with Edward. He would spend whole day with his beloved one. He could prove to Ed that he was a good guy. And Ed looked so good… Ed was like an angel when standing before him.

" Where do you want to go?" Roy inquired Ed's interest of spending day. Even though Roy was feeling relief in his heart, he saw how Ed didn't actually want to spend one of his days with him.

" To somewhere where is bright enough. I want to see the person I am talking to," Edward said sarcastically. Roy's expression didn't change, only his eyes told that he had heard the quip.

" To a park?"

" Are you sure you won't kill any birds there with your flame alchemy?"

" Are you testing me?"

" Yes I am! I wan to know if you are going to hurt me again! I don't want to be in pain! Do you understand what being gentle means? I want to be loved, not wounded," Ed suddenly shouted, his eyes sparkling dangerously. He would not forgive Roy just like that. Roy should understand what he had done to him. Edward was anxious and fell to the ground, covering his head with his arms.

" Edo…" Roy said and kneeled besides the little boy. He felt please for seeing Ed so weak in front of him. Shivers went down his spine as he touched Ed's beautiful hair. ' Ed will be mine – completely. And I will make him happy, I will make him sad. He will only feel towards me.' He slid his fingers on the boy's cheek and lifted his head. Edward's big eyes were gazing at him with amazement. Roy leaned closer and kissed Edward, sealing his inner thoughts with this kiss. Edward responded hesitantly and pressed closer, feeling Roy's cold hands on his neck. Older man's hands were travelling on his sides and pushed him tightly against his body. Edward moaned loudly.

" Roy… let go of me."

…

A. I would love to have reviews!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Roy had let go off Ed. Now he was licking his wounds in his dark room. It bathed in black colour, because he was actually afraid of the light that came from the candles. Ed was right. He was hurt and that's why he hurt Ed too.

His door opened and was now ajar. Roy saw leg that was covered in black pants and black boots. Edward stepped inside, trying to find black-haired man from the black room.

" Roy… it is pitch black. I can't see where you are," Edward whined and tried to get used to the darkness. He saw tiny movement somewhere in the corner and closed the door behind him.

" Why do you want to see me?" Roy asked coldly. Edward didn't move, he just listened Roy's hurt voice, but didn't feel guilty at all. It was his fault that Roy was hurt. Roy was so narrow-minded and didn't see the reason behind the act. Edward snorted and stepped closer.

" You asked me out, are you going to deny it?"

" I thought you didn't want to."

" Kissing and going on the date is two different things. You just felt too…"

" Possessive?"

" Yeah."

" Well, Edo… Let me tell you something. " Roy started and got up from his chair. Edward packed up when Roy got closer to him. He gripped smaller boy's chin between his thump and forefinger and he lifted Edward's face towards him. He pressed closer to the boy, who trembled and tried to escape. Roy inhaled sharply when feeling Ed's auto-mail fingers on his left arm. Before Roy could say anything, Ed opened his mouth.

" Roy, I want to go to the amusement park with you – tomorrow," Edward said rashly and looked any way to get through Roy's black heart. Everything was black and it started to disturb Ed. He wanted to shake Roy out of his black complex. Maybe then Roy could be normal and held him like normal couple would do.

" Oh." Roy said and wondered if he had heard right.

" To the amusement park?" He repeated Edward's words and he didn't notice how Edward got away from him.

" Yeah. I bet you know what amusement parks are," Edward said and walked to the large window that had deep blue curtains framing it.

" I want to eat ice cream with you in marry-go-round and I want you to win a teddy bear for me from the cabin where you can throw balls against tins. But particularly I want to spend a normal day with you, holding hands and pink hearts everywhere. Is that too much?" Ed asked tugging curtains away from the window. He saw people running down the streets in a hurry. Everyone had missions to do, but not Ed. He had to be around every time when Roy wanted his company.

" Ed, do you really believe I can do that?"

" Roy! Don't be such an ass! Of course you can, but now you are too miserable to even try it. If you don't want to be with me, then don't bother," Edward said angrily and turned around to go away from Roy's room. Quickly Roy hurried after him and grasped onto Ed's arm. Edward turned his head to look Roy.

" Ed, you look at me like I hurt you…" Roy whispered and his voice was so silent. It travelled its way under Ed's skin and sent shivers from head to toes. Roy touched Ed's temple and Ed pressed his face against his hand. Ed was so warm… Roy wanted to spend his whole life with this boy.

" I will work hard to make you happy, Edo…" Roy spoke in low husky tone that filled Ed's ears. It felt like silk, Roy's voice. And he wanted to sink into it. He pressed himself against Roy and closed his eyes when he rubbed his face onto Roy's chest and neck. Why so suddenly Roy felt so warm and secure?

" Roy…" Ed whispered and brought his arms around Roy. He felt how Roy bend down and started kissing his neck passionately. He held him lightly, hardly touching him. Only his hot lips were taking over the control.

" Hold me," Ed said painfully and nestled against Roy. Roy voraciously pulled Ed into his arms and placed him against the wall. He kissed and sucked his beloved one's neck and collarbone, his minor earlobe and jaw. Edward arched his back and bended against the wall and Roy, moaning out Roy's name. Roy took off Ed's pants and jacket, sliding his mouth down smaller boy's chest. He sucked teen's stomach and thrust his tongue into his navel. He had grasped Ed's waist in his hands and keeping him still. Ed's auto-mail hand was pulling his hair almost painfully, but Roy didn't care. He took Ed's cock into his mouth and pushed one finger inside the blond-haired guy. He brushed his tongue over the tip of Ed's cock and stretched his inside. Ed thrust his hips forward desperately and moaned out loud. He couldn't wait. 'This strange, passionate feeling takes me… I can't fight,' he thought when Roy stood up and positioned himself between his legs. Usually so painful entering was now sweet and lustful.

" Roy… give it to me," Edward said in hoarse voice. Roy was panting to his ears and sank his member deep inside of him. His pace was soon extremely quick and Ed's body and moans transferred to his veins, making him hot. His mind was blank as he kept thrusting. Edward came first, screaming and panting out something Roy didn't catch. Ed's walls tightened around him and his seed spilled into the younger man.

Few minutes passed. Roy was sweating heavily and pressing Ed against the wall. Ed was keeping his arms around him and catching his breath.

" Edo… we will go to the amusement park and I will win the teddy bear for you."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Ed stood at the amusement park's gates, Roy right beside him. He turned to look at Roy, who was surprisingly calm and serious. He had thought that Roy would whine about everything: how this day was too sunny, how the ice cream was too cold or how boring the amusement park would be. Roy only had driven them to here and paid them inside. Ed started to get excited and jumped up and down where he was.

" Edo, where do you want to go first?" Roy asked as he watched Ed moving impatiently. The little boy had been energetic about this all and had run to his room and yelled how nice day this would be. It was little surprise to Roy. In Roy's thoughts Ed should be chilly towards him. Well, he should stop his complaining, it didn't do any progress in his relationship with Ed.

" I want to go to eat a cotton candy! And then we go to win that teddy for me, and then we go to the Ferris wheel and the marry-go-round, and after that we take pictures from us," Edward explained and bite his lip to stay calm. He took Roy's hand into his hand and pulled the older man with him.

" Let's go Roy! I don't want to wait whole day when you are daydreaming," Ed shouted and dragged Roy farther in the park. He saw big Ferris wheel somewhere in the horizon and water chutes, marry-go-rounds, roller coaster, restaurants and lots of people.

" Ok, so which is the first machine?" Roy chuckled little bit when Ed couldn't decide their next aim.

" Umm… To the roller coaster! That one which is huge!" Ed said and pointed with his fingers what he meant. Roy smiled to his collar, trying to hide his chuckling from Ed. Ed was so 'bright' right now, and all Roy wanted to do was to change that happy smile to a sad stare.

Hours passed. Ed was carrying a white fluffy teddy bear in his armpit and smiling wildly. Roy was amazing! He had won the teddy so easily. Ed hugged the teddy and walked towards the Ferris wheel. He squeezed Roy's hand that he was holding and turned his face to look at the black haired man.

" Roy, let's ride that, please," Ed said voice full of happiness and petition. Roy nodded and touched slightly the younger man's cheek. It was warm and welcoming and without even thinking, he bent down and kissed Edward. Ed's scent hanged over him and suddenly he pressed that warm body against him. He saw how the others stared at them, whispering and pointing them with their fingers. Edward pulled away from him, looking at him doubtfully. Roy's eyes were half closed as he gazed Ed with a lustful look.

" Roy, let's go…" Ed implored and wiped away few locks of hair from his face. His amber coloured eyes had noticed how Roy had changed. It sent shivers to his body and he gulped nervously. He just hoped Roy would keep his torturing away. He didn't need them. He reached for Roy's hand, folding his fingers around Roy's fore- and middle finger.

" Roy, please," he begged when Roy only stared at him, indescribable glance in his eyes. Roy didn't react, he stood like a stone figure in the wind, solely hair moving softly around his face.

"Roy," Ed's tone rose dangerously. He gripped Roy's shoulder and started to shake him. He almost could imagine what Roy was thinking, but he didn't want to now the dirty details. Roy shook his head clear from the ideas and smiled restfully to Edward. Now he dragged the other with him to the Ferris wheel and stepped inside the basket.

Ed sat at the bench facing each other with Roy. Ed glanced outside from the little window when the wheel started to move.

" Roy, look how high we are! I can see everything from here," Edward shouted speechless when beautiful scenery opened in front of his eyes. He let his gaze wander over the landscape and he unnoticed how he held his breath.

" Yeah, it takes my breath away too," the black haired man said, but he didn't watch the scenery, he was watching Ed. The other male was pure and innocent, he was like untouched, child-like. His big eyes were wide open and he had happy stunned expression on his face. Roy couldn't imagine that he had done so much bad for the person he loved the most. But he wanted to continue it. Maybe his mind was destroyed maybe he was corrupted. Ed threw a glance towards him, giving him a quick smile.

" What are you looking at?"

" You. You are stunning… and short," Roy grinned and meant every word he said. Ed jumped up from his bench and pointed his forefinger against Roy's nose.

" Stop calling me short, bastard!" He yelled, but Roy ignored him totally. Roy took Ed's hand and licked his finger from the top till it was completely in his mouth. Ed gasped and closed his eyes. Roy's tongue swirled around his finger and Ed had to admit – it felt good, maybe too good. His lips parted and soft moan escaped from them. Suddenly in quick move Roy pulled him into his lap.

" I won one prize today, will I win another one?"


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry it took so long to update. I have been really lazy

Disclaimer: I don't own Full metal alchemist. I am just obsessed :D

Chapter 6

It was quiet, so quiet that Ed could hear his heart rumbling. His heart beat faster than ever and Ed pressed his hand against his chest. ' _Forget it, forget it, '_ he breathed heavily and bent over his crooked legs. _' But I am too scared,'_ he whined to himself. The left knee was touching his cheek and before he realized, salty tears were running down his face. _' I am too scared…'_

---

Roy walked faster and faster in his room. Thoughts of the certain evening still popped up and every time he remembered them, he wanted to hit himself. The despair was too much. It held his breath like death. '_He was binding Ed, groping his tiny waist.'_ He sank his hands to his black shiny hair and pulled it. Why did he do it?

' Because you felt so black, because you wanted to try it.'

Finally he sat down on his chair. It was big, smooth and black. He felt extremely disgusted by it and he jumped up again. His black eyes started to wander around and everything he saw was black. _' He pushed Ed mercilessly against the wall, pulling his wrists above the golden haired boy's head. Ed screamed, shouted, struggled, but he didn't care. He pushed his knee between the younger man's legs…'_Roy felt sick and rushed to the window grasping the curtains. He pulled them apart and letting the pale sunlight flood in to the room.

" This isn't enough," he hissed behind his teeth. He walked over his large room, lighting the candles and turning on the lamps. Then he turned to look if it was enough.

" It needs something," he whispered and touched his forehead with his fingertips. His hand trembled and it was cold.

" This room needs Ed," he continued and like a mad person, he saw how Ed was sitting on his desk, brandishing his legs and smiling at him. _' He violated Ed and as if the situation was a miracle, Ed struggle himself free and escaped.'_ Roy was feeling guilty and he never had felt that way. It was a stranger in his heart and he wanted it to stop. This sudden feeling because of his actions was eating his heart away, and it somehow felt entitled to do so. Ed wouldn't be smiling right now he wouldn't trust him anymore.

" I am bastard. I keep hurting him. I play with his trust. I… I love him," he said aloud. He said what he felt and he didn't like it. Who would hurt his beloved one? No one he knew, no one but him. He remembered Ed's harsh breathing, his tearless sobbing and footsteps that lead him away from Roy. Suddenly Roy understood that if he wanted to keep Ed close, he should go searching.

" He is too scared," Roy said again, whispering out his words. He opened the door to the corridor and looked around. He didn't have any idea where to start. Ed couldn't be in his room, no, that would be too obvious. He gazed over his shoulder to the room that was now full of light. The pressure in Roy's heart still didn't give up. Only Ed could ease his pain and only Roy could ease Ed's pain.

---

" I am alone in this darkness."

" I am the only one surviving in this darkness."

" I don't have wings, why should I fly?"

" If I die, would you bury my heart? I… I was ready to give it to you."

" I can't stop shaking."

" I don't want to be alone. I am scared. Where am I? I can't see anything. Roy?"

" I want to get out of here… but my legs are numb. Where's my body?"

" Hello? Who's there? Speak to me! Where are you?"

" I think I am going mad."

Low whispers whizzed out of Ed's mouth. He had forgot where he was. He thought he was dead, because he wasn't sure if he even was breathing. He didn't hear anything; maybe he really died. But why was he here? Maybe Al got lost and he left to find him. But then, where's Al? Maybe Al is dead too.

" Al…"

" Edward!"

Ed lifted his head a little bit. He had heard his own name and he hadn't said it. So Al wasn't dead. Ed started to get up, but his body didn't work.

" What the hell?" He asked. He had been delirious and he had talked with silence. He shook his head and tried to get up again. He could not leave here it wasn't safe enough. And he wasn't dead, but if he stayed here, he would be a nice corpse soon enough.

" Edward!"

He heard the again voice that called his name. The voice wasn't Al's. It reminded him of someone. Roy! It was Roy!

" Roy," he answered. " Where are you bastard?"

" Ed! Thank god! I searched for you everywhere. I didn't know you would be here… what are you doing? Ed… you don't look too good," Roy said and looked at the tiny boy, who struggled to get up. Ed's lips were blue and his face was paler than snow.

" I don't know! I don't remember… Why am I here? I don't hear anything but you. Where were you? Wasn't I with you?" Ed said quietly, wondering what he had done before coming here.

" Yes. You were with me… but Ed," Roy said and quickly lifted Ed into his arms.

" Before I tell you anything, I have to get you out of here," Roy said and felt how Ed pressed closer to him.

" Roy, where am I?

" In the graveyard," Roy answered and felt Ed shiver in his arms. Ed fell silent, and didn't say anything anymore to him.

" I remember now. Roy, I hate you."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: So I confused you guys? Well, that actually wasn't my point when writing the last chapter. But I have good reasons! 1. When I wrote the chapter, I watched Finland-Swedish ice hockey game, and that's really important! 2. I was pissed off because Finland lost – again – that game… but we got silver…

Disclaimer: I don't own FullMetal alchemist. But I have contacts!

Chapter 7

" Roy, let go of me!" Ed yelled and tried to punch Roy with his small fists. He didn't like to be held close by Roy – not again. He had given a chance to Roy and he didn't want to be disappointed again. It hurt too much now, what kind of pain it would be when doubled?

" No! You hate me, but you were almost frozen there! What were you thinking when you were in the graveyard? Who would believe you were there? That's not very obvious," Roy said, his voice going high and low, biting his lips. Ed stopped his hitting, and looked away from him, having a hurtful look on his face.

" I went to meet with Hughes… and that's not even your business. What do you care, you rapist?" Ed snorted with an annoyed tone and clasped his hands in front of his chest. He heard Roy sighing, and even shiver under his pressure. He remembered he had run down the streets nearer and nearer the graveyard, where Maes Hughes was having his last rest. He had almost cried, he had panted and collapsed next to the gravestone. He had asked why Roy did the things he did. He wanted to know the reasons; he wanted to know everything about Roy.

" Edo… I am truly sorry I tried… I tried to – that I tried to rape you again," Roy said in a silent voice that sent a shiver down Edward's spine. For a few seconds he froze again, and stared directly into Roy's chest. Roy spoke only words, only words, but why were those words so heavy? He thought he saw the old Roy behind that dark vest he had put on his face. Minor thought in him hoped that Roy would be normal again.

" Don't you think I will forgive you? I will never, never do that," Edward snapped and breathed in and out in heavy breaths. Even though Roy didn't do what he wanted and nothing happened in that way, Ed still felt hurt and incomplete. Roy's eyes always glimmered in the scarce light he had in his room, and when the older man had pressed against his body and his eyes glimmering, Edward had panicked. When Roy went speechless, Edward turned his face away from Roy and saw they were walking in the corridor. They were nearby his room and it didn't took long when Roy pulled open the door of his room and stepped inside, Ed still in his arms. He laid Ed down to his bed, winding him up to his coverlet. The taller man stepped aside and leaned against the wall where Al's picture smiled at him.

" I am not going to ask you to forgive me," Roy started, looking down to the floor. He saw his black boots on Ed's clean and light coloured floor. He felt how Ed turned his intensive gaze towards him questioningly. He heard Ed turn in his bed, his sheets rustling under his movements.

" Go on."

" But I would want you to listen… what… what I want to say."

" What you want to say or what you have to say?"

" Both. When you had gone, I felt immediately empty and guilty. I regretted and I still do, what I had done to you. I got anxious about the blackness in my room. I opened my curtains, turned on the lamps – but it still needed something, it needs you Ed. I want you to be by my side and I don't understand myself when I try to hurt you," Roy spoke and gulped. He spoke so slowly, articulating every word carefully, thinking what he wanted to say. It never had been so difficult to speak to someone.

" You could look at me in the eyes when you speak. It's more efficient that way," Ed whispered and pulled the blanket tighter around him. Roy was suffering he could see it clearly. The older man was sweating and panting, moving his legs nervously. It wasn't the old Roy, but it wasn't the " wicked" Roy either. Slowly Roy lifted his head and looked at him, black eyes searching for hope from golden depths. Edward decided not to give any.

" I… I can't live without you. Ed, I am so sorry that I hurt you," Roy said, seeing an invisible barrier around Ed. He could not get through it, he could scratch it with his nails, hit it with his hammer, burn it with his fire, but he couldn't get through it. He would stay outside while Ed got away from his sight.

" That's enough for this evening. Now, get out from my room," Ed said plainly, waving his auto-mail hand. He enjoyed seeing Roy so hopeless in front of him. He would hurt Roy and see how long Roy could stand it.

" That's all?" Roy asked confusedly and straightened his body. Ed glared at him like he was an idiot who didn't know where to pee. Roy knew he had hurt Ed, but Ed still wouldn't act like this. He saw unnatural burn in Ed's golden eyes and suddenly looked away, astonished by what the had seen.

" Yeah, that's all. I can't jump on your neck and forgive you! You are so self-centred that you should find a path out of it!" Ed shouted at him, anger flowing in his voice. He threw his pillow towards Roy, who avoided it with a simple movement. Roy stared at Ed quietly, and then walked out of the room, leaving Ed alone.

Ed stared at the door for a few seconds. He had snapped, yelled and been rude. He had done the things he had always wanted to do. Of course he was spontaneous and yelled when someone poked him with a sharp baton. But when it came to these subjects, he had found out that he just couldn't do it – he couldn't explode and then fix it. Now finally he had done it and it didn't feel good at all. He curled up in his bed, under his blanket and shivered. ' _I hope Roy would be here…'_


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Full metal alchemist.

Chapter 8

Before Edward had realised the silence and coldness had sneaked into his room, under his blanket. They were his friends, smoothing his head and cheek with black shining fingers. They lay with him on the bed, singing a lullaby to his ears. It was like a nightmare, telling about Roy, everything about Roy. When he closed his eyes, trying to close everything from his mind, the voices started to speak louder. When he opened his eyes, somebody drew an invisible picture of Roy on his walls.

Edward turned in the bed to the other side and looked at nothing. How could he see anything when the only thing he had in mind was Roy? He closed his eyes again, noticing he stared at the empty wall. He pushed his face into the soft pillow and shivered. It was really cold, cold alone under the covers. ' Roy would be softer and warmer,' He said to himself and laughed sarcastically. ' I always seem to miss him,' he continued talking. He pulled the blanket closer and snuggled. He imagined that the pillow was Roy and he wound his arms around it. ' I could get used to this. Quiet, soft Roy who won't hurt me,' he said happily and cuddled against the fake Roy.

He knew he was pathetic, he could read it when he whined inside his head. He should be stronger than this. Even though Ed tried a million times, he could not be anything than afraid of Roy. Roy's eyes were always deep black. ' He is somewhere behind the glass,' he thought before he fell into a restless sleep.

Ed woke up and lifted his head to look around. He was sweating, but it was still cold in his room. His room was soaking in the light of the moon and for a second Edward thought that his curtains were a pair of ghosts. How long had he slept? Not much, he decided, because the moon was still in the sky, above everything. The clouds surrounded it like if they were protecting it, preventing it from experiencing any horrible things. It did not have any miseries or worries, well of course it didn't, it is just the moon.

Ed took his pillow into his armpit and walked over to the door. The floor was cold and Ed felt blood boiling in his veins. He could fight against Homunculis, but he hated to wake up in the middle of the night and see his room bathing in a pale light. He vanished behind the door and hurried down the empty corridors. He stopped in front of a certain door and took a deep breath before opening the door.

He stepped inside the familiar room. It was black again, but not because somebody wanted to. The curtains were pulled off from the windows and the moon peeped out to the room.

" Who's there?" deep, but yet a soft voice asked and Ed saw Roy's bed sheets moving. He walked quickly towards the bed, squeezing his pillow in his armpit. He lifted Roy's blanket and whispered.

" It's me," Edward laid down, beside Roy to the narrow bed and felt immediate warmth. Roy's long body against his own, Roy's smell and touch.

" Ed…"

" I was scared! My curtains turned into ghosts and I couldn't stay in my room," Edward hurried to say before Roy could continue his sentence. Roy's arms closed tighter around Edward, but this time it was a gentle hug. Then Ed heard Roy chuckle against his neck.

" What?" Ed asked in an annoyed tone.

" You don't believe me?" Ed continued and knew the answer beforehand. There were no ghosts, only a strong feeling to be close to Roy.

" Of course I believe you," Roy said and breathed Ed's scent into his lungs. He hadn't slept at all; he needed Ed, he longed for him.

" It's just amazing that the first person you thought about was me," he chuckled.

" If that concerns your simple mind, I will go and look for Jean," Ed snorted and tried to step out from the bed. Roy's arms kept him in place and Edward turned to look why the older man didn't let him go. His gaze fell to Roy's face. Roy had a tiny, peaceful smile on his face and his eyes looked directly at Ed. He pulled Ed quickly back to his side.

" I will do anything to stop that madness," Roy said and suddenly felt Edward kissing him.

" Then stop it," Edward whispered between the kisses and rolled Roy on top of him.

The time had stopped. It had given them eternity, just for each other. They kissed for a long time, slowly, dream-like kisses. Slight touches were shared and whispers filled the room. ' Give me the peace give me the touch. It's the silence that listens to us. Hey, can you hear it? It must be our hearts. Like light itself has found them, and filled them with warmth. Is it just me or do you feel it too? Connect me connect me. I want to be with you – in sorrow, in lust. If wind and earth abandons their children, water and fire will be with us.'

---

" Where am I?" Ed asked tiredly and opened his eyes. Do I have sand in my eyes? 'I feel like I could sleep a hundred years more. ' Ed turned to face the room where he was sleeping. It had dark curtains, desk, few chairs and a picture. It was his picture. What? Light was bathing in this room, but it was without a doubt Roy's room. When had he come here? He thought he had slept in his own room. He shifted in the bed and saw his own pillow. So he had taken his pillow with him. 'And I think I did it with him, it smells just like it.'

Edward sighed loudly and shoved his legs to the floor, sitting on the bed. His hair was open and fell to his face. Why couldn't he remember anything? He remembered that Roy carried him to his room from the graveyard and then – nothing, not until now. It was a blank paper in his memory, but Ed still didn't feel uneasy about it, like it had been a nice memory about Roy. Where was Roy actually?

Ed stood up, swaying a little bit. The blanket that was covering him, fell to the floor and Ed realised that he was naked. It was an obvious thing when spending a night in Roy's bed, but Ed couldn't be anything but confused. He lifted the blanket to his arms and wound it around him. It wasn't cold anymore, he thought when walking to Roy's desk. Few burned candles, few scripts, but no note to tell him where Roy was. ' If he doesn't want me to know,' Edward sighed again, feeling empty inside. It was his first time to sleep over a night in Roy's room. It was different than anything, maybe he should be happy. But when he sat down to Roy's big chair, Roy's blanket around him, he felt himself empty.

It was like a morning; really quiet morning, when everybody else had left. But now he was – soulless. He should ask if Roy stole his soul. Maybe Roy had burned it, or ate it. A minor smile lifted his corner of the mouth when thinking about it. Ed touched his left side of his chest and then searched his pulse from his throat. It was till in its place, the heart was. He wasn't sure if he was glad or sad. Both, maybe. He looked around in the room and he stared for a few minutes at his own picture on the wall. When was that taken? Over than a half year ago, because he was smiling so brightly. It had been a sunny day, even warm too. Probably he had been with his little brother. Now Al was spending time with Winry and Edward missed both of them. He wanted desperately to see them, to go somewhere and have a good time. When had he forgotten?

Winry. She was always trying her best, clever girl. When other girls played with dolls, Winry played with automails. And Al had played with her, as Ed remembered. He had liked to do it too, run with them, and giggle.

" Edo," Ed heard his name called by a familiar voice and was surprised to see Roy standing in front of him. He hadn't noticed him coming. Roy had an impatient smile on his face and his eyes were smiling too.

" Oh, Roy, long time no see," Edward said astonished and blinked his eyes.

" I brought you clothes from your room. Dress quickly, I have something to show you in the park," Roy said as not noticing that Ed was a little bit out of it. Roy put the pile of clothes to the desk. 'My usual wearing,' Ed thought and touched the red jacket and black pants and t-shirt. He dropped the blanket and started to dress. He didn't care if Roy saw him; the colonel had already seen him in different postures. When he was ready, he looked at Roy questioningly. Roy just smirked at him in the way he had smiled in the past and ushered him out of the room.

They walked in silence down the corridors and stairs. They walked across the main hall to outside. While they were walking, Ed braided his hair and wondered why Roy wanted to take him to the park. He was exited again, curiosity was rising and his steps were quicker and quicker.

" Roy, please tell me what you have in your mind," Edward asked, touching the colonel's hand. Roy didn't even look at him, just smiled mystically. Now Edward started to be restless and he even pulled Roy's arms impatiently. Few meters to the park were torture, when had it felt this long way to walk?

Finally they reached the park and Edward looked around inquiringly. He didn't see anything he should recognize.

" So, what did you want to show me?" Edward asked and now Roy looked at him, starting to walk again.

" It's still further apart, not a long way to go," Roy tried to comfort Ed somehow, but now the young male was too curious.

" This is not fair," Edward said like a little boy, but followed the colonel. Soon his ears caught voices that he loved the most. He turned to look and saw Al and Winry, running down the street only to meet with him. His eyes started to shine and a big smile spread all over his face.

" Al! Winry!" He shouted, not understanding anything. A few minutes ago he thought about these two and now he is seeing them. Al and Winry both hugged him with huge energy and nobody noticed that Roy had left.

---

Okey, so review, will you

I think I will screw this fic up :D It would be just like me. Please tell me your opinion


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Full metal alchemist.

Chapter 9

The room was now silent. And yet it told stories about Ed. Roy's window was open and wind blew inside in his room. The dark curtains moved slowly back and fort, letting the sunshine in. Wind caressed Roy's cheeks and hair, making him feel wanted. Roy heard talking and laughing outside the building, but everything seemed to be so distant. It had been like that for a moment, since he had left Ed with his friends. He just waited and waited, imagined how Ed eventually would be back. Be back just for Roy. That was what Roy hoped for. But he feared for something else.

He was sitting on a chair in the middle of the room, looking around lazily. Almost everything in his room reminded him of Ed. Ed was the centre of his life and Ed was everything to him. Slowly Roy had left the darkness behind him and he could watch the sun without a panic. He wasn't afraid anymore that somebody would see his soul, to see into his black, rotten heart. Now he longed for somebody who would saw him, not his fake actions. Ed had insisted to be with him, although Roy had been something else than an angel. Roy inhaled deeply, letting his thoughts wander.

" I wonder if he is having fun…" he said loudly, thinking why he let himself to be so poignant. He should think something else instead of always having Ed in his mind.

Roy stood up, walking to his desk. There were no papers on it. He hadn't done anything lately. Even his big dream to become a Fuhrer has sunk into memories. None of his friends visited him anymore, and he hadn't even wanted to. He had thought that it would be just he and Ed. Just two of them sharing the time. How wrong has he been. When had he become so indignant, so lost to himself that he hadn't had any bright thought for a while?

He pushed his hand to his pocket and immediately his fingers met something cool, something that resembled a memory in his mind. Roy wound fingers around the thing and pulled it out. It was his silver clock with a silver chain. It told him again and again what he was and how he should behave. Roy wasn't proud of himself anymore.

---

" Oh Ed! It's so good to see you again. I thought you would be lost forever!" A beautiful girl yelled straight to Edward's ears and hugged him enthusiastically. Ed smiled his big, bright smile, feeling like he was back at home, at last. It had been over six months, six months only despair and anxiety. Maybe this time everything was going to change.

" Yeah, Winry, long time no see," Ed answered and hugged Winry tightly before letting the girl go. Winry was as beautiful as ever with her big eyes and blond long hair. And this girl wasn't stupid. Winry was every guys daydream, even his a long time ago. Ed moved his gaze to his brother, who shyly stood aside Winry. Al was almost the same height as he, "dirtier" hair colour and that innocent look of his on his face. Ed sighed peacefully and knew that this was the place where his heart belonged. ' _I love you Ed… I love you.'_

" What?" Ed asked, blinking his eyes confusedly. He turned his head to look behind his back and then back to Winry and Al. Both his friends looked as confused as Edward too. Maybe Ed had imagined the words. He sure was following Roy on his path to insanity. They do say that hearing voices is first sign of madness.

" Come here Ed! We have something to show you," Winry said and pulled him with her. Al and Winry dragged him near to the little river. Ed remembered coming here often, feeding the fat birds. ' _It's you I love. Believe me, will you? There's nothing else then you in my life. Edward, I want you only to belong to me. ' Ed heard Roy whisper to his ear, holding him tightly against Roy's bare chest. Ed buried his face into Roy's neck, wanting to be owned. It was strange, he had never wanted to be owned by anybody. And he knew he would regret this feeling later. ' Okey,' he had answered and Roy had held him passionately, taking him lustfully and slowly. He had been Roy's at that moment. He had surrendered. And he regretted it._

" Nii-san..? Are you alright? You look really pale," Al questioned, shaking Edward.

" Ah, what did you say? It seems I didn't listen" Edward shook his head and those strange images away from his head. Ed touched his cheek, running his fingertips on his temples and lips. ' This is me, this is me, am I losing myself?'

" I asked if you are alright," Al repeated, now really worried. He had never seen his brother so… confused. Edward was like an eastern bird in the middle of the winter. Edward had always been the one who kept everybody in control. Everybody admired Edward, because Edward was strong and brave. Al was worried if Edward's shine was going to decreased.

" I am fine. I just remembered something I had forgotten. What did you want to show me?" a curiosity rose in Edward's voice, and he looked around the riverside. Few couples were sitting there, holding hands or kissing slightly. Two students were having a lunch-break and laughing madly, but Ed didn't see anything that Winry and Al could mean. No birds either.

" We wanted to give you this," Al said and pulled a picture out of his pocket. It was really an old picture, it had turned brown and yellow, but Ed clearly saw four people standing in front of their now burned house. His and Al's mother was smiling that big, but sad smile, keeping her hands on their shoulders. Winry was standing in front of them, having a cute smile on her face – as always.

" We are so young in this picture. Who took this? I can't remember," Ed whispered, he was enchanted by the picture. It was a piece of his almost forgotten childhood, when he didn't hate anything else than milk and his father. Now in his life he had so much hatred and pain. He should bring the sun into his life again and forget. Al stepped besides him, looking over Ed's shoulder.

" I am not sure. Maybe it was a traveller. Or a villager," Al said, smiling slightly, almost sadly.

" Yeah… everything disappears more quickly than I thought. We seem to be so happy in this picture, yet I don't remember anything. Ah, sorry, I should not whine like a little girl," Ed joked and sat down to the lawn. He lifted his face towards the sun and closed his eyes, feeling how everything became warm and sweet. Strange tranquillity filled his heart and shadows behind his eyes faded away. Gentle wind blew his blond hair to his face, tickling his cheeks. Ed didn't need anything more, just his friends.

---

Everyone secretly held their breaths. The atmosphere was intense and quiet. No one dared to brake the silence, they just waited to see what happened. The workers of the room looked at Roy, who stood on the sill of the door. Roy had dressed to his old army suit, which emphasize with his black hair and eyes. Roy's ink black eyes stared determinedly at new Fuhrer. He had no intensions to be turned down, he was here to get what he wanted. He had appeared from nowhere after six months, even though he had been in the military area. He had been in the main building doing nothing. For six months he had lost his dream and goal. He had achieved one goal last night, but he was afraid he would lose it again. Ed wasn't a thing to be owned. He started to walk slowly towards the Fuhrer's desk, not noticing the ones that were startled by his actions. The distance was small and soon he slammed his hands down to Fuhrer's desk, looking directly into her eyes.

" I am here to demand my old position. I was lost and didn't know anymore what was important, but now I see my purpose clearly. I ask you to listen to me, Fuhrer, I am the one of the best soldiers you have and I can prove it anytime. My personal file can prove it to you too, but I am going to show you that you won't be disappointed again," Roy started, stating his words calmy and in composure. He had power in his voice, his words were audible. The Fuhrer looked back at his eyes, not exposing her thoughts. Suddenly she chuckled and shook her head. As expected.

" Colonel Roy Mustang, I heard your speech. You really are impolite, rushing to my room without knocking," The Fuhrer smiled an annoyingly calm smile and offered him a chair to sit. Before Roy could explain himself, before he could have been ashamed of himself, the Fuhrer continued.

" I have checked you profile for a couple of times. You are an excellent soldier, leader and you won't panic. Your alchemy is extremely interesting and you seem to be an interesting person as well. But how could you prove me that you won't broke down again?" the Fuhrer asked, looking straight to Roy's eyes. Roy lifted his chin, and locked his gaze to the Fuhrer's eyes.

" Because you have my word. I won't broke down again, I will work as hard as I can to make you all believe me again," Roy answered. He would not be turned down, he have to show to Ed that he can be the man Edward used to know. He would be worth Edward. He would be worth everything. He was the joke of military, suddenly disappearing somewhere with his dark intensions. Roy had been more than pathetic, more than anybody could bear. And he regretted it.

The Fuhrer pushed a paper over the desk to Roy and gave him a pencil. Then the Fuhrer crossed her arms on the table, smacking her lips slightly.

" All right, Colonel Roy Mustang. You have you squad again and if you seem to be worth it, I will render you somehow," the Fuhrer said and smiled a tiny smile. Roy filled the sheet, and gave it back to the Fuhrer. He stood up, made a position and walked out of the room, leaving everybody behind him.

---

" Nii-san, are you sure you want to be alone right now?" Al asked worriedly looking at his brother. Ed nodded. He had to do something before he could go to sleep.

" Don't worry Al, I'll be back and we will spend a whole nice day together with Winry," Ed comforted his brother. When had he spent the night with his brother, talking and laughing? It had been ages ago. But he just… he just had to find Roy, then be with his brother.

" Well, I am leaving. Meet me at the park tomorrow morning," he waved and started running away from his brother and Winry.

He ran down the streets back to the main building, up the stairs and corridors. He stopped when he saw Roy's door. Without knocking he stepped inside, looking around confusedly. What he saw was something he was not used to see anymore. He saw people and new desks, paperwork and disorder. And in the middle of the chaos he found Roy, who ordered around the people. Ed walked behind Roy, who noticed him immediately.

" Hello Ed and welcome back," Roy greeted. The older man saw how Ed didn't know what to do, and guided him out of the room. He knew Ed would be happy for this new opportunity and maybe… maybe Ed would let Roy into his heart.

" What was that?" Ed asked, blinking and then looking at Roy, who smiled widely. It was strange for Roy to smile so freely. Ed looked at that handsome face of Roy that he had became to like. Roy bent down to whisper into Ed's ear.

" I got my squad back," Roy said, grinning. He wanted to celebrate this chance as soon as possible. He didn't even know himself anymore. What he waited from Ed, was not what he got.

" What! No! That's not possible!" Ed yelled and looked furious. Ed turned his back to Roy, starting to run again. Ed didn't understand himself anymore, but why did it feel so bad when somebody else was around Roy more than he?

---

Okey, I need ideas. Somebody who has many of them, please help me. I don't know what to do :D

And thanks to all who have reviewed and who will review. I got new alerts and favs and I am so happy )

And it seems that my betas have left me, so I need a new volunteer. I had to check this chapter by myself and I am sure there are tons of mistakes.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Full metal alchemist

Chapter 10

A door opened and was quickly pulled closed. Roy heard a familiar voice calling him before he could turn to look who it was entering the room. It was his new bigger room that he had got when he had started to work again. The room was more bright and colourful. Roy liked it much more than his old room. This reminded him of somebody else that was now standing behind him.

" Roy, about yesterday. I don't know what got into me, but… I was tired and didn't know how to react, it came so sudden and I had just come back from the park", Edward started and looked down to the floor. He saw his own boots that were a little dirty from mud. He should clean them. He had run so much yesterday and it had been raining the whole evening. No wonder his boots were dirty. He lifted his gaze when he heard nothing and stared into Roy's chest. Edward was startled bit and took one step back.

" Are you apologizing to me?" chuckled Roy, stepping closer to Ed, who didn't meet his gaze. Edward gritted his teeth and pulled his lips into a straight line. He heard mockery in Roy's voice and didn't like it. When he came and apologized he would have like to have a nice reply to it.

" If you don't like my doings, then I will go away", Edward said and turned his back to Roy, ready to walk out of the room. He felt Roy wounding his arms around him and pulling closer to the older man. Ed felt how Roy placed his chin against Ed's shoulder.

" It's okay, I accept it", Roy said, snuggling Ed's neck. Ed relaxed into Roy's touch and closed his eyes. It was warm and comfortable to be in Roy's arms and he didn't mind when Roy lifted him up and started carrying him to the bed.

" We haven't tested my new bed yet", Roy whispered huskily into Ed's ear and placed him down on the bed. Ed just lay there, his braid now loose. He looked at Roy, whose black hair fell to his face, making that pale skin look almost sick. Roy, who stood under the light, had ebony black eyes, which Ed loved to look at. The light made hard contrast on Roy's face and the older man seemed to be unreal. Ed lifted his arms towards Roy. He wondered if Roy was real at all, if it was a beautiful picture from the past, in his memory. Roy touched Ed's skin and the blond boy shivered, closing his eyes. He wanted to feel Roy, not to see him. Ed trusted his feeling more than his eyesight. He didn't want to know that he had lost Roy.

The bed jumped and Ed felt a weight on his stomach and chest. He was gathered into the older man's arms and Roy placed kisses on his neck and collarbone. Ed bent in Roy's arms and brought his arms around Roy. Roy pushed his knee between the blonde's legs and parted them. Ed lifted his legs so he could easily wound them around Roy's waist. Ed smiled when Roy kissed his cheeks and eyelids, finally finding Ed's lips. A hungry tongue made an entrance into Ed's mouth and dominated him. It was an inquiring kiss that grew hungrier in every second. Ed moaned into Roy's mouth and felt how Roy pulled himself away.

Ed opened his eyes to see a flushed Roy, whose hair was a total mess. Roy grabbed Ed's waistband and pulled his trousers down. Roy chuckled when he saw Ed's erection that waited for his attention. Roy gently took Ed into his hand, watching how Ed squirmed under his touch. The blonde's back arched and silent moans escaped from his lips. Roy's hand was moving on him, making his mind blank and body hot. Ed's eyes closed when Roy entered him with his fingers. The boy heard Roy's harsh breathing and felt him pulling his thighs apart. A fabric brushed Ed's inner-thighs and he felt something cold and wet on his entrance. Roy nudged his erection against Ed's hole and pushed inside slowly.

For Ed it was double sensation when Roy was moving inside him and when the fabric brushed his legs. It was a pleasurable contrast and Ed gave out louder moans without realising it. Roy took Ed's

smaller hand into his own and squeezed it, placing tender kisses on Ed's hot and sweaty skin. He liked it how Ed was obedient and let Roy touch him.

" I love you", he said as he came inside Ed. He felt Ed following him after a few seconds. Ed didn't reply, just pulled Roy closer and buried his face into the man's chest. It was eternal in one second and Ed lost consciousness.

Ed woke up after a few hours sleeping. He was wrapped into a blanket like a barbeque chicken and he was at least as hot as it would have been. He squirmed himself out of the blanket and blink his unfocused eyes. He rubbed his eyes and yawned like he had slept more than one day. Sun was setting on the background and painted the walls in purple and orange. Ed threw his eyes away from the sun and stepped out from the bed, not minding wearing any clothes. It was quiet in the room, but he heard noises from the bathroom. He walked to the door and pulled it ajar, looking at Roy's slender back. Water ran down his spine as he stood under the shower. Ed stepped into the bathroom and sneaked behind Roy. He wound his arms around Roy's waist and enjoyed when Roy jumped in surprise.

" Ed!" Roy yelled and got water in his mouth. He spitted it out and turned to look at Ed who had pressed his tiny body against Roy.

" You can wash me if you want", Ed said while he got wet with Roy. Roy chuckled again and sank his hand into Ed's hair. Ed really used any opportunity to be spoiled. Roy shampooed the blonde's hair and washed him all-over, wondering if the automail limbs were not rusting. He ran his hands on Ed's body and watched the younger man's face as it turned into a light smile every time Roy touched his chest. Suddenly Ed's smile was washed away with the water and Ed opened his eyes in panic.

" What's wrong?" Roy asked and touched Ed's cheek, but the boy avoided his touch. Ed stepped away from Roy and placed his automail hand on the wall. The metal shined in the dim light and Ed bended his finders.

" I have done so much with this previous hand. It's an important piece of my past. I couldn't live without it after all, even though that's what I first wanted. I love to fight and run madly. I want to get mad and cry out of misery. It's just that I love living", Ed said, not looking at Roy. He still watched his metal hand and turned it over to see if there was something new in it. Winry should make him a new one; she loved to make new things with automail. Roy didn't step closer; he listened carefully and tried to get the point from Ed's talk. Ed sure surprised him. If Roy thought he knew Ed, the boy would surely remind him of his mistake.

" I am going to leave for a while", Ed continued and threw a look at Roy.

" What?" Roy asked, almost shouting his opinion to Ed's face. Ed smiled, but he didn't mean it. His smile was weak and sad; it didn't reach his eyes. Roy was thrown off from his feet and the pain still remained in his chest. Ed was going to abandon him. Ed was going away.

" I need to get out. I have been here six months. You know how it was, because it was you, who forced me to stay. Don't look so hurt", Ed pleaded and reached to touch Roy's arm. Ed's touch was apologizing.

" Take me with you", Roy suggested but Ed's expression told it all. Roy switched off the shower and wrapped himself into a big white towel. He rubbed his hair and face, slowly going down. As if he wanted to remove Ed from his skin by rubbing it. It didn't help much, only his skin got redder. It looked ridiculous and he didn't dare to turn to face Ed.

" Why didn't you tell me anything earlier?" Roy asked after a few minutes of silence. He heard Ed shifting behind him. The automail leg slammed against the floor every time Ed took a new step with it, he slowly passed by Roy.

" I didn't know I was going to leave", Roy heard Ed speaking from the living room where the bed was kept. He reached to see Ed who stood in front of the window and stared up to the sky.

" I realised that my only way getting out from my shell is to leave and brake the shell. There are some days or evenings when I get anxious without even knowing why. I just want to shake it off, but it won't leave. And then comes the days when I am happy and I want to shout out my happiness. Roy, I am not balanced. While you got out from your shell just by thinking of me, I can't leave my shell if I don't first leave something behind – and I am not referring to you now. You are just too sticky to be left off", Ed smiled to Roy, who stood at the bathroom door.

" I don't want to let you go", Roy said silently and sat down to the bed, towel wrapped over his hips. Sadness washed all over him and he remembered Ed hugging him.

_The pain in my chest; that is what makes me visible, that is what makes me important. There's no substitute for victory, it's just a plain acceptance of killing. I am your pain in wisdom._

" Ed, don't go! Please…" Roy yelled after Ed, who walked away from him. Ed bitted his lip, but refused to look back. He knew he would go back and stay with Roy forever. Even though Ed heard pain and agony in Roy's voice, it was not pathetic. Roy wasn't asking on his knees, not crying, it was pure pain that Ed left. Ed closed his eyes tightly and took step after step. It was important to keep on going. It was important to come back.

1. Sorry it took so long!


End file.
